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 Sharing voters' voices and choices in Pinellas County's beach communities. "The underlying principle of free speech is the idea that the search for truth..." |
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"My
Kinda |
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| Mayor Latkinson: |
I'm calling this meeting of the Treasure Island City Commission to order. If anyone would like to make a comment on an agenda item, there are cards at the back of the room you have to fill out so once they're not blank you can give them to our City Clerk, Donnie, and maybe I'll remember to call on you at the appropriate time. |
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| Commissioner Stavino | Question: When you say anyone, you don't mean we have to fill out those cards, do you? | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Moof | I took a three-day course on card filling-out just last week. | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | Sooo did I. I highly recommend it. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Butchworth | I took the course too. I aced it. Get it? Cards? Ace? | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Brush | I wanted to go but I was having a new stainless steel professional baker's convection oven installed at my home that day. | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | Our first item on the agenda is a resolution to bury some actual treasure in the middle of Gulf Boulevard beneath the double yellow road stripe at 10245 Gulf Boulevard to encourage residents and tourists searching for buried treasure to dig up Gulf Boulevard and thus save the county and Florida Power untold millions of dollars undergrounding utility lines. Will the city attorney please read the resolution? | ||||||||||||||||
| City Attorney Hendardt | A resolution to bury some actual treasure in the middle of Gulf Boulevard beneath the double yellow road stripe at 10245 Gulf Boulevard. | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | Any comments? | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Butchworth | I have a question: If the resolution identifies where we're going to bury the treasure, won't people just dig at 10245 Gulf Boulevard? | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Stavino | I have a comment, too, but first I need a card to fill out on another topic. | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | Let me assure everyone on the commission that I've lived at 10245 Gulf Boulevard since 1847 and very little digging ever goes on in the middle of that road. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Moof | I once took a three-week course in the Middle East on digging up roads. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Butchworth | Getting back to my question . . . | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | I think what Commissioner Butchworth is asking is if we i-den-ti-fy where the treasure is buried, won't people just dig where we i-den-ti-fied the treasure and where it's at? | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Butchworth | That's just what I said! In a lot less words. Christ, how did you ever get elected? | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | I have two cards here from Commissioner Stavino and an religious elekshun quesshun card from Commissioner Butchworth. Commissioner Stavino? | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Stavino | I think if we tell people where to dig for buried treasure, then they might dig at that location. | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | Do you have a quesshun? | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Stavino | Yas. Have you really lived at 10245 Gulf Boulevard since 1847 or did you mean to say 1947? | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | I meant to say 1846, not 7. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Stavino | You mean 1946? | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | Here, fill out this card and ask the quesshun again when I call on you. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Moof | I'd like to take one of those five by seven inch cards with me to my new course next week. I'm teaching all about five by seven inch cards. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Butchworth | Aren't our cards three by five inches? | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | That's a quesshun, Commissioner Butchworth, and I'd wish you'd fill out a card like the public does. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Butchworth | I'm a commissioner! Why should I have to fill out a card? | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | That's another quesshun and another card. Here -- fill this out. | ||||||||||||||||
| City Clerk Donnie | Mayor, if you could --- tell Commissioner Stavino she doesn't have to fill out a card to be excused to use the ladies room. | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | I've got another card here from Commissioner Stavino asking if she can use the ladies room, but it doesn't say what she's going to use it for. So I think this is something Cathy Haypile of the Recreation Department should answer. | ||||||||||||||||
| Cathy Haypile | The ladies room at city hall is completely booked by the Art Guild through the year 2047. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Stavino | Is that 2047 or 2046? | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | Hold it just a minute, Commissioner Stavino! You'll need a card for that quesshun! | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Stavino | I suspect I'll be holding it longer than just a minute. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Moof | When I took a three-month course on bladder control, I never once filled out a card to use the ladies room. | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | So the answer to your quesshun, Commissioner Stavino, is that if you bothered to take the bladder control course that some of these here commission has bothered to have gone and took, you wouldn't have gone to ask to bother the commission with your ask to pee. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Stavino | What th' fu … Jesus! How on earth did you ever get elected?! | ||||||||||||||||
| Cathy Haypile | She does have to ask, Mr. Mayor. It's in the charter. | ||||||||||||||||
| City Clerk Donnie | It's also required by the sunshine laws to immediately mop up any sudden or unexplained pee from any commissioner. | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | I've always peed in the sunshine. I'm from Alabama, yew nooo, and that's the way we did it then and I won't be lamblasted for not making pee in the sun. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Brush | Chocolate chip cookies, anyone? I just made 'em and they're hot and fresh out of my new oven! | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | Let the record note that the commission is now enjoying fresh baked chocolate chip cookies as a puddle of pee spreads across the floor. | ||||||||||||||||
| City Clerk Donnie | Mop, please! | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Moof | You know, pee soaked mops remind me of a strange yet fulfilling three-year dance course I once took but I . . . | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Butchworth | If we can get back to my question . . . | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | I have a card here from a Betty Crocker. Is there a Betty Crocker in the audience? | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Brush | Oh, that card would be from me! | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | Alright, then . . . Is there a Duncan Hines in the audience? | ||||||||||||||||
| (total silence) | |||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | Hearing no Duncan Hines, I'm moving on to the next card. Is there a Commissioner Butchworth here? | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Butchworth | Yes! I'm sitting right next to you! And my question is why should I have to fill out a card to ask a question? | ||||||||||||||||
| City Attorney Hendardt | Although I'm not sitting as close to you as I'd like or right next to you like our lucky mayor is, I can assure you if the mayor wanted to ask you a question, he'd fill out a card and submit it to himself through Donnie. | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | I believe what Commissioner Butchworth is asking is called a quesshun. | ||||||||||||||||
| City Clerk Donnie | I have a another card from Commissioner Stavino. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Stavino | Nevermind. | ||||||||||||||||
| City Clerk Donnie | Mop, please! | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Brush | Hot coffee, anyone? | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Moof | I was in Columbia once for an intensive three decade course on growing coffee. | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | Let the record note that commissioners drinking coffee are submitting cards requesting lavatory privileges. | ||||||||||||||||
| Cathy Haypile | They're going to be sorely disappointed, especially the ladies. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Butchworth | Can I get a word in here edgewise? | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | Only with a card. Here -- have several. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Butchworth | Waitaminute -- these are nothing but a bunch of five by seven-inch coupons for Del Monte canned beets! Aren't our cards three by five inch? | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | I have a three by five inch card here from a Commissioner Butchworth asking if our cards are three by five inch cards. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Butchworth | They are! I have one here in my hand! | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | I have another card here also from Commissioner Butchworth asking why should I fill out a card? | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Stavino | If it's for the bathroom, get in line or get a bigger mop. | ||||||||||||||||
| City Attorney Hendardt | Under the sunshine laws, commissioners have free access to mops when specifically used for cleaning up their own or their fellow elected official's unscheduled pee releases. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Butchworth | Why do I have a five by seven incher here in my hand? | ||||||||||||||||
| City Clerk Donnie | The tape recorder just ran out of tape. Could you repeat that last sentence, Commissioner Butchworth, for the record? | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Moof | When I attended a three-century course on accuracy in measurements, I found most men meant three inches when they actually said seven. | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | A common mistake. And one I've made since 1847. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Stavino | That would be 46. | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | Five, to be truthful. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Butchworth | Is that five inches or 1847? | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | Six. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Butchworth | What?! Six inches or 1845? | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | You owe me two cards. Now, about that buried treasure resolution . . . all in favor say "aye". | ||||||||||||||||
| (total silence) | |||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | All in favor say "nay". | ||||||||||||||||
| All | Nay. | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | The nays have it and the resolution is passed. | ||||||||||||||||
| Commissioner Brush | More cookies, anyone? | ||||||||||||||||
| Mayor Latkinson | Ahhhh, my kinda meeting!!! | ||||||||||||||||
| Back to top. | |||||||||||||||||
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"You
kinda have to have been at or seen a TI Commission meeting to thoroughly
appreciate this." |
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